Dad Jokes: 101 Awfully Funny Dad Jokes to Get the LOL Job Done

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Dads are a support system, a blessing and moreover, they know very well how to make their kids smile. The puns, the special perspectives and the literal meanings that are said to be the specialty of dads. So, here are some really interesting and funny dad jokes to give you the giggles.

Read More: 99 Funny Jokes for Kids

101 Awfully Funny Dad Jokes

dad jokes

  1. A veg sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’
  1. I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
  1. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
  1. I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
  1. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my mom if she would like the milk in a bag she replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’
  1. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
  1. You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European maybe.
  1. I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  1. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
  1. Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
  1. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.
  1. What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
  1. Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’
    1. Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’
  1. Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking…’ My dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.’
  1. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!
  1. “Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.”
  1. If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down!
  1. Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’
  1. Q: How do you organize an outer space party? A: You planet.
  1. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
  1. Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?A: A waist of time.
  1. I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
  1. What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers
  1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
  1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  1. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  1. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
  1. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”
  1. When I went to choir practice — Dad: ‘Don’t forget a bucket.’ Me: ‘Why?’ Dad: ‘To carry your tune.
  1. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
  1. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.
  1. “What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.
  1. We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, ‘Any condiments?’ My dad responded, ‘Compliments? You look very nice today!’
  1. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
  1. When you ask dad if he’s alright: “No, I’m half left.”
  1. What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto
  1. Anytime I do something smart my dad says, ‘Wow, you’re a fart smeller…I mean smart fella!’
  1. “What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.”
  1. GROCERY STORE CHECKER: “Paper or plastic?” DAD: “Either, I’m bisacktual.”
  1. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh.
  1. How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.’
  1. “What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.”
  1. MOM: “How do I look?” DAD: “With your eyes.”
  1. Without geometry life is pointless.
  1. On all of my medical forms growing up my dad wrote ‘red’ for my blood type. To this day no one knows my actual blood type.
  1. I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
  1. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  1. I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
  1. My dad got me with this one: ‘Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.’
  1. I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
  1. Every time someone bends over my dad makes a farting noise. He’s done it for almost 60 years and I’m certain he has no intention of slowing down.
  1. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
  1. I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, ‘You.’
  1. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
  1. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  1. “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places.” Doctor: “Well don’t go to those places.”
  1. Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web.
  1. Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
  1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  1. Bicycles can’t stand on their own, they’re two tired.
  1. I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.
  1. What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
  1. Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery
  1. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
  1. Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
  1. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  1. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
  1. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  1. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
  1. “I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
  1. A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
  1. Q:Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
  1. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
  1. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  1. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
  1. If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
  1. What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? A: catch up!
  1. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  1. Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where’s popcorn?
  1. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  1. So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says “Give me some chapstick… and put it on my bill”
  1. Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it.
  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  1. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!
  1. The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
  1. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
  1. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
  1. I’m on a seafood diet… I see food and I eat it.
  1. What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
  1. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
  1. “Hold on, I have something in my shoe” “I’m pretty sure it’s a foot”
  1. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
  1. What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO.
  1. Dad I’m hungry … “Hi hungry” I’m dad.
  1. Where’s the bin? Dad: I haven’t been anywhere!
  1. Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
  1. How do you make a hankie or tissue paper dance? Just put a little boogie in it.
  1. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
  1. What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”

Funny! Isn’t it? Hope you had a light moment reading this write-up. Keep laughing!

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