What comes first in your mind when I say, codependent parents? Well, is your answer “Indian Parents”? Jokes apart, it’s not only about Indian parents but the majority of all the parents on the earth may show co-dependency at some point of their life or other. In simple words, a codependent relationship between a child and his/her parent refers to the kind of relationship where both share an unhealthy attachment due to various reasons, including the parents interfering too much in their child’s life or trying to control their children too much or sacrificing all their favorites for their wards’ good. But what parents don’t realize is that all these can harm their relationships with their children. Let us know more about this.
Causes of development of codependency in a parent-child relationship
This is one of the root causes that give birth to codependent parents. The parent may feel that they are losing control or right over their child and start being over-possessive towards them.
Feeling a social pressure that their child may lag behind
Since human is a social animal, we can’t deny the fact that all of us are somehow affected by the social norms and so are our parents. Every parent wants their child to be the best. However, if they encourage children to be their own best version then their self-confidence will be greatly boosted.
Well, there are a lot of reasons a parent may develop the habit of codependency. Now we will talk about the signs of becoming a codependent parent.
Signs of becoming a codependent parent and how to overcome it?
Trying to have excessive control
The problem starts when parents try to take control of their child’s life completely. It may seem normal to the parent but to the child, it may feel like their freedom is somehow being snatched away. Your child, if not a kid, may take the decisions by themselves. It’s obvious that you don’t want your child to take any stupid decisions in life and suffer. So you may suggest to them what you feel would be right to do. But if you force them to do the exact thing that you suggested, then it’s not correct and can make your relationship fragile.
Not giving the child enough privacy
You don’t want your child to feel lonely, and we understand that’s totally acceptable. But you have to keep in mind that you should give your child enough space of their own. If they want to keep something personal, then you must respect their decision and try not to interfere in that particular matter.
Sacrificing own time and giving the whole to your child
It is your responsibility to give an optimum amount of time to your child but that doesn’t mean you will sacrifice everything of yours. This way you can lose your own identity and self-worth. This is the most common thing most parents do, but this is what you need to understand. If you value yourself, your child will also learn to do the same. Everybody needs to care for their family but self-care is important as well.
Not considering their problems to be serious enough
Do you do this often? Yes, then you are surely becoming a codependent parent. Nowadays, there are a lot of problems surrounding this. Some teenagers may develop depression without even making their family aware of the fact. But when they show some signs or try to speak up about this, then do listen to them. If you neglect their problems or don’t consider them to be serious enough, then they would lose the emotional attachment with you and this would eventually make the relationship vulnerable.
Comparing your kid to others all the time
Comparing them with others of their age can breakdown their confidence and mental stability. Accept your child the way he/she is. Keep supporting and motivating them. The more you encourage them, the greater will be their self-confidence level and they will perform accordingly in their lives.
Some other tips to overcome codependency include
- Having a healthy conversation with your child
- Trying to understand them, what they want in their lives and what are their expectations from you
- Not discussing family problems or the problems of your own life with them. As this may hamper their thought process severely.
- Spending some quality time with them and also giving time to yourself so that they also learn to do the same in their near future.
- Don’t keep unrealistic expectations from them and believe in them. Stop comparing them and complaining about their disabilities. Accept them head to toe.
What we tried to deliver is that codependency can seriously affect your relationship with your child and may lead to the formation of a dysfunctional family. So try to recognize the signs of codependency, immediately, if you feel you and your ward are growing any unhealthy attachment. Follow the tips to not become codependent parents. Remember if you give them the beautiful present of belief, they will shine with flying colors in their future and will definitely make you proud.